Understanding-Evanescence lyrics

"You hold the answers deep within your own mind.Consciously, you've forgotten it.That's the way the human mind works.Whenever something is too unpleasant, to shameful for usto entertain, we reject it.We erase it from our memories.But the imprint is always there."(Can't wash it all away)(Can't Wish it all away)(Can't hope it all away)(Can't cry it all away)The pain that grips youThe fear that binds youReleases life in meIn our mutualShame we hide our eyesTo blind them from the truthThat finds a way from who we arePlease don't be afraidWhen the darkness fades awayThe dawn will break the silenceScreaming in our heartsMy love for you still growsThis I do for youBefore I try to fight the truth my final time"We're supposed to try and be real.And I feel alone, and we're not together. And that is real."Can't wash it all awayCan't wish it all awayCan't cry it all awayCan't scratch it all awayLying beside youListening to you breatheThe life that flows inside of youBurns inside of meHold and speak to meOf love without a soundTell me you will live through thisAnd I will die for youCast me not awaySay you'll be with meFor I know I cannotBear it all alone"You're not alone, honey.""Never... Never."Can't fight it all awayCan't hope it all awayCan't scream it all awayIt just won't fade away, NoCan't wash it all awayCan't wish it all awayCan't cry it all awayCan't scratch it all away(Can't fight it all away)(Can't hope it all away)Can't scream it all awayOoh, it all awayOoh, it all away"But the imprint is always there. Nothing is ever really forgotten."
Please dont hate me,
Because Ill die if you do (x7)

All good things come to an end-Nelly Furtado lyrics

Honestly what will become of medon't like realityIt's way too clear to meBut really life is dailyWe are what we don't seeMissed everything daydreaming

[Chorus]Flames to dustLovers to friendsWhy do all good things come to an endFlames to dustLovers to friendsWhy do all good things come to an endcome to an end come to anWhy do all good things come to end?come to an end come to anWhy do all good things come to an end?

Traveling I only stop at exitsWondering if I'll stayYoung and restlessLiving this way I stress lessI want to pull away when the dream diesThe pain sets in and I don't cryI only feel gravity and I wonder why

Flames to dustLovers to friendsWhy do all good things come to an endFlames to dustLovers to friendsWhy do all good things come to an endcome to an end come to anWhy do all good things come to end?come to an end come to anWhy do all good things come to an end?

Well the dogs were whistling a new tuneBarking at the new moonHoping it would come soon so that they couldDogs were whistling a new tuneBarking at the new moonHoping it would come soon so that they couldDie die die die die

Flames to dustLovers to friendsWhy do all good things come to an endFlames to dustLovers to friendsWhy do all good things come to an endcome to an end come to anWhy do all good things come to end?come to an end come to anWhy do all good things come to an end?

Well the dogs were barking at a new moonWhistling a new tuneHoping it would come soonAnd the sun was wondering if it should stay away for a day til the feeling went awayAnd the sky was falling on the clouds were dropping andthe rain forgot how to bring salvationthe dogs were barking at the new moonWhistling a new tuneHoping it would come soon so that they could die.

Good enough/The last song I'm wasting on you lyrics

Good enough
Under your spell again.I can't say no to you.Crave my heart and it's bleeding in your hand.I can't say no to you.Shouldn't have let you torture me so sweetly.Now I can't let go of this dream.I can't breathe but I feel...Good enough,I feel good enough for you.Drink up sweet decadence.I can't say no to you,And I've completely lost myself, and I don't mind.I can't say no to you.Shouldn't let you conquer me completely.Now I can't let go of this dream.Can't believe that I feel...Good enough,I feel good enough.It's been such a long time coming, but I feel good.And I'm still waiting for the rain to fall.Pour real life down on me.'Cause I can't hold on to anything this good enough.Am I good enough for you to love me too?So take care what you ask of me,'cause I can't say no.

The last song Im wasting on you
Sparkling grey,Through my own veins.Any more than a whisper,Any sudden movement of my heart.And I know, I know I'll have to watch them pass awayJust get through this dayGive up your way, you could be anything,Give up my way, and lose myself, not todayThat's too much guilt to paySickened in the sunYou dare tell me you love meBut you held me down and screamed you wanted me to dieHoney you know, you know I'd never hurt you that wayYou're just so pretty in your painGive up my way, and I could be anythingI'll make my own wayWithout your senseless hate... hate... hate... hate.So run, run, runAnd hate me, if it feels good.I can't hear your screams anymoreYou lied to meBut I'm older nowAnd I'm not buying babyDemanding my responseDon't bother breaking the door downI found my way outAnd you'll never hurt me again.

Like you lyrics

Stay low.Soft, dark, and dreamless,Far beneath my nightmares and loneliness.I hate me,For breathing without you.I don't want to feel anymore for you.Grieving for you,I'm not grieving for you.Nothing real love can't undo,And though I may have lost my way,All paths lead straight to you.I long to be like you,Lie cold in the ground like you.Halo,Blinding wall between us.Melt away and leave us alone again.Hiding, haunted somewhere out there.I believe our love can see us through in death.I long to be like you,Lie cold in the ground like you.There's room inside for two and I'm not grieving for you,I'm coming for you.You're not alone,No matter what they told you, you're not alone.I'll be right beside you forevermore.I long to be like you, Lie cold in the ground like you did.There's room inside for two and I'm not grieving for you.And as we lay in silent bliss,I know you remember me.I long to be like you,Lie cold in the ground like you.There's room inside for two and I'm not grieving for you,I'm coming for you.

Pushing me away-Linkin park lyrics

When I look into your eyes there nothing there to seeNothing but my own mistakes staring back at me[Backwards:]Everything has to endYou'll soon find that we're out of time left to watch it all unwindEverything falls apartEven the people who never frown eventually break downEverything has to endYou'll soon find that we're out of time left to watch in all unwindEverything falls apartEven the people who never frown eventually break downI've lied to youThis is the last smile that I'll fake for the sake of being with youEverything falls apart evenEven the people who never frown eventually break downEverything has to endYou'll soon find we're out of time left to watch it all unwindThe sake of being with youEverything falls apartEven the people who never frown eventually break downThe sacrifice is never knowingWhy I stayWhen you just push awayNo matter what you seeYou're still so blind to me[Backwards:]Even the people who never frown eventually break downI've tried, like you, to do everything you wanted toThis is the last timeThat I'll take the blame for the sake of being with youEverything falls apartEven the people who never frown eventually break downThe sacrifice of hiding in a lieEverything has to endYou'll soon find we're out of time left to watch it all unwindThe sacrifice is never knowingWhy I stayWhen you just push awayNo matter what you seeYou're still so blind to meReverse psychology is failing miserablyIt's so hard to be left all aloneTelling you is the only chance for meThere is nothing left but to turn and face youWhen I look into your eyes there nothing there to seeNothing but my own mistakes staring back at meAsking whyThe sacrifice of hiding in a lieThe sacrifice is never knowingWhy I stayWhen you just push awayNo matter what you seeYou're still so blind to meWhy I stayWhen you just push awayNo matter what you seeYou're still so blind to me

Thoughtless-Korn lyrics

All of my hate cannot be foundI will not be boundBy your thoughtless schemingNow, you can try to tear me downBeat me to the groundI will see you screamingThumbing through the pages of my fantasiesPushing all the mercy down, down, downWanna see you try to take a swing at meCome on, gonna put you on the ground, ground, groundWhy are you trying to make fun of me?You think it's funny? What the fuck you think it's doing to me?You take your turn lashing out at meI want you crying when you're bloody down in front of meYou, all of my hate cannot be foundI will not be boundBy your thoughtless schemingNow, you can try to tear me downBeat me to the groundI will see you screamingThumbing through the pages of my fantasiesI'm above you, smiling at your drown, drown, drownI wanna kill and rape you the way you raped meAnd I'll pull the trigger and you down, down, downWhy are you trying to make fun of me?You think it's funny? What the fuck you think it's doing to me?You take your turn lashing out at meI want you crying when you're bloody down in front of meYou, all of my hate cannot be foundI will not be boundBy your thoughtless schemingNow, you can try to tear me downBeat me to the groundI will see you screamingAll my friends are gone, they died. They all screamed, and cried gonna take you down [x4] all of my hate cannot be foundI will not be boundBy your thoughtless schemingNow, you can try to tear me downBeat me to the groundi will see you screamingNow, all of my hate cannot be foundI will not be boundBy your thoughtless schemingNow you can try to tear me downBeat me to the ground I will see you screaming

Where'd you go-Fort minor lyrics

"Where'd You Go?"Where'd you go?I miss you so,Seems like it's been forever,That you've been gone.She said "Some days I feel like shit,Some days I wanna quit, and just be normal for a bit,"I don't understand why you have to always be gone,I get along but the trips always feel so long,And, I find myself trying to stay by the phone,'Cause your voice always helps me to not feel so alone,But I feel like an idiot, workin' my day around the call,But when I pick up I don't have much to say,So, I want you to know it's a little fucked up,That I'm stuck here waitin', at times debatin',Tellin' you that I've had it with you and your career,Me and the rest of the family here singing "Where'd you go?"I miss you so,Seems like it's been forever,That you've been gone.Where'd you go?I miss you so,Seems like it's been forever,That you've been gone,Please come back home...You know the place where you used to live,Used to barbecue up burgers and ribs,Used to have a little party every Halloween with candy by the pile,But now, you only stop by every once and a while,Shit, I find myself just fillin' my time,With anything to keep the thought of you from my mind,I'm doin' fine, I plan to keep it that way,You can call me if you find that you have something to say,And I'll tell you, I want you to know it's a little fucked up,That I'm stuck here waitin', at times debatin',Tellin' you that I've had it with you and your career,Me and the rest of the family here singing "Where'd you go?"I miss you so,Seems like it's been forever,That you've been gone.Where'd you go?I miss you so,Seems like it's been forever,That you've been gone,Please come back home...I want you to know it's a little fucked up,That I'm stuck here waitin', no longer debatin',Tired of sittin' and hatin' and makin' these excuses,For why you're not around, and feeling so useless,It seems one thing has been true all along,You don't really know what you've got 'til it's gone,I guess I've had it with you and your career,When you come back I won't be here and you can sing it...Where'd you go?I miss you so,Seems like it's been forever,That you've been gone.Where'd you go?I miss you so,Seems like it's been forever,That you've been gone,Please come back home...Please come back home...Please come back home...Please come back home...Please come back home...

Is it wrong to eat meat?

You know, I've seen a lot of comments in the past about the morality of killing and eating animals. It's often taken for granted today because we don't even see the food we eat as animal, just grocery-market-packaged food waiting to be cooked. I've always eaten meat. I've always eaten vegetables. I eat to nourish my body and replenish my energy. The morality of killing to eat is natural. We need food to survive, so we go out and get it. Like a wolf, we prey upon the lives we can catch, eat its meat, and fill our stomachs. It's instinctual. It's animalistic. But you know what? Human beings are animalistic, instinctual creatures and any attempts to glorify humans as anything more in the *physical* sense is just pointless. We are what we are (I AM WHAT I AM).Spiritually, however, humans appear to be the most evolved group of life forms on this planet (maybe not on another planet, but at least this one). Not that humans are just so great, but that humans at least have the capabilities to become great. With this in mind, is it possible to transcend the animalistic, instinctual behaviors to such a degree as to question the morality in killing for food?Some would argue that we need to be on a vegetarian diet. But I think that even broccoli screams when you rip it from the ground. There have been studies that show plants are very aware of their environments. One in particular that comes to mind was an experiment that included two plants of the same species. One plant was hooked up to a polygraph machine, the other was not. Someone came into the room, destroyed the plant that was NOT hooked up to the polygraph, then observed the polygraph test. It was off the charts. Now - can you really tell me plants have no spirit? Vegan diets seem alright, except for a problem that you might be keeping yourself from very essential, neccesary nutrients to function correctly. Especially when you get into eating rotten fruits and the like.In essence, any time we take food in for the proper nutritional sustanance, a life form will have to submit and die. To look at it from a panantheist view - God is all things and more - there is no end to any of this life, just a transformation of one substance to another. One life absorbs the physical shell of another life, which continues the cycle. Only the physical is absorbed, however, as the spirit transcends the shell to find - in my belief - another shell to manifest.So - can we kill for food? My take - yes.Pointless gaming sports are cruel. Hunting "for sport" is the equivalent of murdering someone for "practice." You needlessly take the life of the animal. And fishing seems to be pretty popular "sport" too, where many people who are good at it just throw the fish back into the water. "They don't feel it, they have no nerves." Are you telling me that having a metal hook pierced into your cheek, pulled out of your natural environment from said hook-in-cheek to a completely alien atmosphere where no intake of breath can occur is...humane?I have no qualms with those who hunt for food. As long as they eat the food, it's justifiable. To kill for fun - that's when humanity escapes the situation.To give a quote from a great story teller:It's not what goes in a man's mouth that defiles him, but what comes out of his mouth.Or something to that effect.
Relatively speaking, meat eating itself is not in question here. There are obvious risks associated with eating too much meat, and advantages of eating at least SOME meat. Besides the obvious, the animal in question is usually dead and doesn't feel ANYTHING.The issue, instead, seems to be the inhumane treatment of animals that are bred for meat processing and the like. Brother Shawn Johnston has a very interesting post on this topic over at his blog site here.Confronted with these harsh realities, I can of course only go on the evidence in hand and conclude that these animals are treated rather savagely. I offer no form of excuse or defense for the types of behavior that some of these meat manufacturers institute in their business, and I am offended that there are not better rules and regulations in place to help better safeguard these kinds of atrocities.That being said, I'd like you to take a minute now and examine the things we do on a daily basis that has just as bad if not worse treatment for life. I'd like to put things in perspective.
Should we stop mowing our lawns? I can only imagine the grass screaming as a plague of moving mechanical parts comes to mutilate scores of fellow specimens.
Should we not bathe? The numbers that die in these forms of disinfection and contamination are incalculable, much less appetizing.
Should we cease to partake in eating fruits and vegetables? We know beyond a doubt that these plants are living creatures, and they are very possibly much more complex organisms than originally suggested.
Forget bathing, just stop cleaning altogether. The micro bacteria that exist are apart of an ecosystem that we obviously have no right putting to an end.
Should we also set up some form of punishment for those animals that eat meat? Obviously, they are not as advanced as we humans, but I believe I've seen some gruesome and terrible things on the Discovery Channel, and I cannot sit by idly and watch these crimes against nature occur.
Okay, okay, I'll admit. This was probably a wee bit exaggerated. No harm was intended by my sarcasm, and I hope none is taken. But I do insist that we view this as a normal process of nature.Not all butchers and meat processors are heartless scum. They don't exist solely to extract life - but to extract food. We should DEFINITELY punish those who are found to be heartlessly cruel to the animals in which they harbor, but a boycott on the meat industry altogether is equally unjust, and impossible.Which brings me back to my original point: naturally speaking, of course, meat intake is going to be existent amongst life forms. It is definitely natural to assume that is a part of the natural course for human consumption.
Now, if you'll excuse me, my chicken dinner is ready.Pax.

Perhaps...

Perhaps this blog is the work of a mad woman.Perhaps these articles are the musings of a lunatic.Perhaps these ideas are the dreams of men who never saw sanity, driven by their own desire to know themselves.Perhaps these are the latest steps in a constant process of evolution, slowly drawing the minds of those connected into a state of blissful insanity.Perhaps I've been coerced by an ideology that is entrancing, mind-warping, and addicting.Perhaps I don't know what I think I know.Perhaps I never knew, and I still don't.Perhaps no one else knows what I long to know.Perhaps there is nothing to know.Perhaps there is a winding road we all travel, born to walk this path, driven to finish, powerless when we have taken our last step.Perhaps this life is truly amazing.Perhaps life is meant to be a mystery forever.Perhaps that IS the mystery.Perhaps we've all got it wrong.Perhaps we've all got it right.Perhaps there's two sides to every coin.Perhaps there is intent behind this creation.Perhaps there is a mind behind that intent.Perhaps we are all apart of that mind.Perhaps we all have a part in that mind.Perhaps we are that mind.Perhaps when we know that mind, we can truly be blissful.Perhaps that's what makes us all crazy.Perhaps...that's gnosis.

Playing dominos:cause and effect

Playing dominos:cause and effect.
Okay, so we know the rule: for every action, there is an equal and opposite reaction.This is interesting to me.I know this is all "scientific" and sort of strays from the idea that a Creator-guy up in the sky has control of everything happening in the Universe, but that's okay...I'm a rebel.This notion passed through my mind actually at a weird point in my life - when I was beginning to question whether or not my beliefs made any sense, or whether I was just sucking something up that "sounded good." I was questioning the idea that there was a creator that created EVERYTHING. I let my emotions take control, and started feeling an intense amount of doubt and anxiety. What a rediculous idea. But then I thought about something.The idea came: cause and effect.Have you ever lined up a stack of dominos, and then just knocked one over? It's so fun to see how everything falls; how each piece touches another, and effects the next piece. It's interesting to see how elaborate you can make the rows that branch off and make more rows fall over. Sure, the eventual outcome is known from the start. But it's the process that captures you. It's how everything falls into place, and how beautiful it is when it happens.I thought the same when I was captured by this anxiety. Why would God even create? Here's your reason: all the pieces are lined up. The outcome is known. All the atoms and molecules are made and placed specifically in a tight, wound-up ball at the beginning of the universe - the beginning of time. So what happens? One domino is knocked over.The meaning of existence, therefore, seems to be to act as a domino. To participate in the entire picture, to play a vital role, and to be a work of beauty and entertainment in the entire game of existence.All the routes and revenues have been lined up. The outcome is known. The game seems pointless, I know - but it's so beautiful to see everything work out.If we can feel that way about dominos, how much more the Divine must feel about life!Wake yourself up, experience your gnosis - feel what it is to be apart of such a great experiment.

Prayer for peace

Oh, Holy WisdomGuide us through these horrible times.Keep us in your thoughts,And help us keep you in our hearts.Oh, Holy Mind,Reach us through our gnosis,Waken us with your touch,Release us from our egos.Allow our Christ to awaken,Embolden our yearns for peace.Shed your love on our spirits,So that we may shed our love on each other.Oh, Holy God,Allow us to see our own faults,Blind us to each other's differences,And help us break the grip of war.End the fighting.Stop the oppression.Bring peace on EarthAnd brotherhood towards all men.Amen.

Do you know?

Perhaps you are one of those remarkable people who experience an overpowering realization of the divinity of existence. You suddenly know that everything is divine and that within you lies an ocean of God. Will you know this all of the time and every day? No. You will crest and fall and submerge again into the mundane. The realization of divinity as the be-all and end-all, as the substance of your very self - that within which you live and move and have your being - does not dominate every day, although you wish it would. The ordinary world of aches and pains and approaching death, of trouble, temptiation, sin, stress, and loss seems to rule almost all the time. And yet, sometimes you can seize what you seek and see glory everywhere and know yourself to be divine. If you are one of those people, you are one with the Gnostics. You know what you truly are, that your are God, just as everyone else is

Right and wrong

Because I am a strict advocate of questioning reality and our relation to it, I felt a need to throw some words up here about it.Right and Wrong are concepts that humans have struggled with since the beginnings of civilization. As a matter of fact, you can almost define "civilization" as being a group of people with concepts of right and wrong. You can certainly bet that any civilization will view themselves (or ourselves) as having solid, concrete rules in place to ensure that right and wrong are no longer issues.While this is a good approach in theory, it nearly always falls short of its goals. Hence, a smaller group of people is usually assembled within the larger group to debate about topics and matters of right and wrong. After a period of time, what is considered right and wrong is usually adopted by society as a "norm." As people evolve towards a higher level of conscience, different approaches to right and wrong often change the society's point of view as to whether their "norm" is right or wrong. Examples:(a) SlaveryUp until a couple hundred years ago, slavery was widespread throughout the world. It was considered no problem at all to enlist the aid of a slave to do the work of whatever your heart desired. Since society has began questioning morality, slavery has since been outlawed in nearly all modern society.(b) PedophiliaUp until a couple hundred years ago, people would get married at 12 and 13 years of age. A woman was considered adult as soon as she hit her menstrual cycle. A boy was considered adult as soon as he went through puberty. Jewish law states that a boy is an adult at 12-years-old. Muhammed (in Islam) was actually married to a 9-year-old. Within the last couple of hundred years, however, society has viewed the ages and maturity levels of minors quite differently and changed its view on the morality of youthful relationships.(c) Legal AgeIt has been adopted as a norm for our youth today to figure that they are adults when they reach the age of 18. As they reach this age, more opportunities become available for these youths. Smoking, joining the military, getting married, etc. This was another non-existent issue until a couple hundred years ago when people reflected on the maturity of youths, and issued limits on their ages. While it is considered by society to accept a youth into adulthood at age 18, one can drive at age 16, and can't drink alcohol until age 21. Yet, society has accepted 18 as the "legal age."(d) MarriageSociety has made a collective approach to marriage as being between a man and a woman. While it is not quite clear where we derive this idea of marriage from, society is beginning to reflect what is right and wrong about marriage. Homosexuals are being considered to be given as much right as heterosexuals in marrital issues. Society is in the process of questioning the norm of its morality, and changing it. It has already done so with marriage a few times in history, as it used to be common place for one to marry more than one spouse and even at times marry one's sibling. This is considered immoral by today's standards.These are just a few examples. So what is it exactly that determines society's morality? Is it a collective conscience that decides what works and what doesn't?I believe that society is evolving. The more it evolves, the better its values towards preserving humanity and happiness come about. Morality is an evolutionary inevitability, and it is society that sets the rules. Is society always right? No. Will it eventually make amends with right and wrong? Sure. All the examples above support the idea that society is evolving towards a better standard of right and wrong in its morality.Whether it's always going to be right and wrong, we can only guess. But I do suggest that we, as individuals, always keep our minds open when thinking about these issues. Never let society alone tell you what is right and wrong. We each are able to determine morality.

Right mind,Right body

A theory has been held for some time that the root causes of physical illness start at the emotional, psychological level. This theory has some credance, and we can prove it rather easily using placebo tests in medical experiments. Usually, given enough thought and time, one can trace every ailment back to an emotional or stress-filled point. Someone who has a troubled childhood, for example, might grow up with all sorts of illnesses - or believe themselves into having them. You can usually see this in other people better than yourself.The mind works very mysteriously - the Greater Mind even more mysteriously. When one takes on stresses and burdens from the outside world, it can have very physcial effects on that person's body. As well, once a person accepts society's view of certain "symptoms" of problems, they might even end up convincing themselves that they have whatever illness they were looking at. By then, the mind takes over and the body is usually helpless to its dominance.Then again, seemingly miraculous medical marvels have come through when someone was convinced of their well-being. A sudden remission of cancer in certain patients has proven this idea, too.There are methods to help cleanse your mind of negativities, the root cause of these problems. We need only look at yoga and different other meditative practices to see these desired effects. But it is also through gnosis that one learns the limits of the body, and the limits that physical problems have on the psyche.This is not to say that you should start picking up raw meat and sticking it in your mouth. Nor should you dispense with the age-old ritual of washing your hands after a trip to the bathroom. Intelligence, not gullibility or faith, usually helps reason and intuition flow throughout and within.Focus your mind on the one inside, not on the world of physical substance. Finding that center within can bring great peace to the psyche, which in turn can lead to even more rewards: such as a calm mind.When the mind is right, so to is the body.

Baggage

What we carry with us determines in which dimension we dwell. If you carry a lot of sorrow, fear, and craving with you, then wherever you go you will always touch the world of suffering and hell. If you carry with you compassion, understanding, and freedom, then wherever you go you will touch the ultimate dimension, the kingdom of God.- Thich Nhat HanhNo Death, No Fear

Semantics

really is an eye-opener. Once getting to this point, I found out something truly extraordinary. It's not the semantics (life and all it's little grievances) that matter...it's only the truth. What would that be? Gnosis.To touch the inner core of your deeper self is to realize that bond with the rest of reality - the breath of life that flows within all of us, the matter that is compacted together to form "things," the actual reality of it all - and this in turn allows you a deeper respect and profound relationship with this reality. This is gnosis - it's what sets you upright. Gnosis calms the dust; allows you to focus your "eye" on the world.Keep your sights on the middle ground - don't get too worked up. Everything is as it should be - learn, live, play, drink, and eat. Realize that the north and the south are two in the same. Right and left hands are still on the same body. Up and down are just perspectives.In the end, the semantics don't matter...gnosis is what counts.

The stress of life

"Blessed are you who have prior knowledge of the stumbling blocks and who flee alien things. Blessed are you who are reviled and not esteemed on account of the love their lord has for them.Blessed are you who weep and are oppressed by those without hope, for you will be released from every bondage.Watch and pray that you not come to be in the flesh, but rather that you come forth from the bondage of the bitterness of this life. And as you pray, you will find rest, for you have left behind the suffering and the disgrace. For when you come forth from the suffering and passions of the body, you will receive rest from the good one, and you will reign with the king, you joined with him and he with you, from now on, for ever and ever. Amen."[The Book of Thomas the Contender]Nag Hammadi CodicesWatch and pray indeed.I've been overwhelmed lately by what seems like stockpiles of work. The stress has become something of an obstacle for me, not really being able to avoid it, but more or less trying to dodge the hits as they come.A moment of clarity is what I needed. I sat, I breathed, and then it came.Smile. Everyone can use a smile. It can dramatically change your mood, and everyone's mood around you.More smiles, less stress. Key to success, I tell you.

The tree of life

I saw and recognized a great natural allegory for the world today.A Tree.Startling revelation, glimpse of insight, a great view between the lines of reality - the tree.In it, I realized yet again meaning in this dualistic world. It was through the vision of this beautiful, naturally sculpted life form that I returned myself to the ineffiable.Of course, I'm back to tell you... ;-)The tree represents the fullness, the entirety of the world. The leaves are all people. The branches are all different beliefs and groups.On each branch, there is usually another branch, or a few smaller branches.Each of the large branches can represent a government, religion, or just a culture. The branches growing off of them represent divisions between these groups - such as Republican and Democrat.The realization that I had came in the vision of the tree. Each of us, no matter how we define our differences, view ourselves as being on a specific branch, surrounded by "like-minded" people - or leaves. However, the message here is important.We are all a part of the same tree

Plato's "Story of the cave"

This is a famous Gnostic story told by the Greek philosopher Plato.
Some prisoners have been held in a cave since childhood.They are all chained in such a manner as they can only stare straight ahead at the cave wall.A fire burns in the centre of the cave behind them,which casts shadows onto the walls.The shadows they can see are cast by various animals and plants that the jailers carry along a raised walkway on the other side of the fire.The prisoners play a games,naming the shadows, and when the jailors respond,the prisoners believe it is actually the shadows who are speaking.The prisoners,being unable to more or turn around,mistake the shadows and the voices for the only reality.
What would happen,asks Plato,if one of the prisoners was forced to stand up and turn around?He would be blinded by the fire,which he would at first take to be less real than the shadows to which he's been accustomed to for so long.And what if then the hapless prisoner were to be taken outside the cave altogether?The sunlight would have an even greater disorientating effect upon him.Eventually,once the prisoner has realised the enormity of what he has experienced,he will understand that the world he has lived in for so long was unreal,with the greater,true reality being above and beyond him.It is a reality to which he can gain access,but first he must be freed from his confinement.
The prisoner then goes back into the cave and tells the other prisoners about what he's seen and found out.But they believe they are better than him because he can no longer see the fine details in the shadows and they have not seen this "outer world" for themselves.That's basically the gist of the story.
The sad thing about today is that most people are prisoners in the shadows,just like in the story.These people will not even begin to believe anything they have not seen or experienced for themselves.The only way to escape this world and become free is to achieve Gnosis and to know who and what we are.
This mythic sensibility,which enabled the Gnostics to understand Plato,would have almost certainly informed their way of reading the old testament as well.Stories,the Gnostics understood-even biblical ones-do not have to have actually happened in order for them to have profound meaning for us all.As the gospel of Philip acknowledges,the truths of Gnosis have to be transformed into poetic and mythic language in order for us to understand them:
"Truth didn't come into the world naked but in types and images.Truth is received only that way.There is rebirth and its image.They must be reborn through image."

Gnosis is...

Gnosis Is......the touch of the Divine....the warmth inside....the breeze against your face....the pause of time....breath of the soul....light of the mind....peace in turmoil....clarity in fog....the dream of reality....a good night's kiss....a first love....the smell of a rose....a heartfelt apology....an experience....a knowledge....an awareness....Divine.

Letters from Ana

letter one
A long time ago...you started to think,about how great it would be if you were skinny like all the others.You could be anything you want...A model,who walks gracefully the runway.An actress who is still sexy... after all those years.
Or another actress who looks envogue no matter what she wears...Or maybe the empress of fashion...with connections, amazing clothes...and amazing hair.Or just a girl,beautiful girl with a smile on her face.
A girl who has many friends...and love.Even a child...You could be like a monument...stronger and tougher than anyone.You could be an angel...innoncent and fairy.
Mysterious...Transparent and fragile.A mythical creature...sometimes a little bit provocative.Sometimes sad,Once in a while just happy,but always...a symbol of perfection.Pure and absolute.
You could be anything...but you're not.
You aren't pretty,you aren't strong, you aren't brave
You have no friends,you have no love,you have nothing
ONLY FAT.
You are nobody
Lost in the middle of a sick world. Empty inside... Lonely... because you fell down... when you were thinking you're flying.
So lonely.
These secrets are walls that keep us alone...in the darkness.
I see no bravery in your eyes anymore,only sadness.
There is no way out...no hope.
You will never be...happy.
You will never be beautiful...as they are.
You will never be thin...enough.
You will never be perfect...
You will never be free...
Because I will always be with you...
Ana.

Letter two.
I'm not in the basement,I'm not under the bed,I'm not in the cupboard,I exist in you head. I will make you...run...cleanse...disappear.
I love you.
Let me guide you...should someone say you are a...skinny bitch...they are a liar...for you are a...fat bitch. ...You are pathetic.But I am your friend. ...Everyone else would let you down... All I ever wanted...was to make you happy.
"My love don't cost a thing". ...All I ask for...is some dedication...and a little loyalty.I could make you fly.I could make you whole.You are so...Goddamn lucky...that i found you.
"But I know what it's like to want to die,how it hurts to smile,how you try to fit in but you can't,and how you hurt yourself on the outside,to try to kill the thing on the inside..."

Self awareness

There are too many thoughts about societies all wrapped up together in this place called Earth.Self awareness is great.Call it fake or whatever the hell you want but I know what I am to this world .People who are said to be brave and courageous are usually just stupid,then they say later that they did it on purpose because theyre brave instead of by accident.Everything is so corrupt and so filled with opinions,little points of view and peoples own little agendas and schedules.This isn't a world anymore it's H.O.E.Self awareness is a wonderful thing.
People say it is immoral to follow others,they say be a leader.Well here's a news flash for you-everyone is a follower.Everyone who says they arent a follower and then acts different or dress different,they got that from something on tv,or in film or in life.How many your mum jokes are there?And how many do you think are original and not copied?I'll admit I follow sometimes but I try not to say I'm being original when Im not.
One big problem is people telling others what to do,think,say, act, and everything else.I'll do what you say if I feel like it,but denying me something just makes me want to that thing even more!Resist something and it persists,Persist something and it resists.
It's a fitting place we live in.All these standards and laws and great expectations are making people into robots.Even though they "might" think they aren't and try to deny it.Hey try this sometime,when someone askes you a question ask why.Eventually they will be stumped and can't answer anymore.That's because they only know what they need to know,in society and school, not real life science.These facts aren't important.What use are they?
These laws are just there to control us,to give certain people power over others.But in reality,everyone is the same in terms of power.Who are we to say what's right and wrong?I hate it when people say doing "wrong" things is inhumane.Well actually,most things labelled wrong in this world are our natural human instincts so in those terms I say they are humane.There is no such thing as right and wrong.I bet you don't even know why some things are labelled wrong.It's an attempt to control.
Morality only exists in society's created system.Don't forget that.This world is not real,we do not belong here.I want to ask you,who are you?.What is the point in this world,here on earth?We run around trying to "get further" physically and put all our effort into material things and pleasures when if we put even half of that into discovering ourselves then we could advance a lot more.I'm not saying stop all your material things but I don't think they should be,or are the whole focus of life.We are born and we race throughout life trying to "achieve" something and then we die just to have all our gains stripped away from us.
These are just my opinions and I am not trying to push you or force them on you in any way so please dont take offence.I dont hate you for believing what you believe,I could be wrong but its what I believe.

Songs

Tied down
Your indecision is what's dragging me down today.I don't know what is really inside your head.I'm not the only one who feels this way.There is so much of you that I do not know what I should say.I keep on coming around.Continue seeing it through.I don't know why I do the things I do I guess it's for you.It's not quite what I thought it would be here.(Looks like I'm on my own)Chorus:There is no trust.A broken life.I can't take too much more of this.Your hate designs a wasted life.I can't take too much more of thisIs not what I wanted(I want so much more)I don't know why you hate me(I don't know why)I wonder why I let you do this to me today.It happens everyday or so it just seems.I'm falling farther down than I would rather like me to be.The problem is you're standing there to push me.I will keep getting up now.And you'll keep pushing me down.How much of me will you destroy before I finally drown?You're not quite what I thought you would be here.(I hope you're on your own)Bridge:I hate this place. When can I leave?I can't get out. I've stopped breathing.

Hypocrisy
Seeing a new perspective I foundA person once was loved is hated nowI'm sorry to sound so hateful(it's your fault)Too bad you(lost your heart)I wish I would've known the real you before I had gone.Chorus:There's nothing you can do here.I'm sure to see it through.You won't see me fall.You won't see me die.This is the only way to cope with all your hatredinside.Look at you now.Pathetic and cold.It seems as though the tables turnedand now you'll do what you're told.I wonder what should I do?And what will they say?I can envision crowds speaking of you after you're gone.(He was such a good boy)(He did all the right things)If they had only known your middle name was hypocrisy.(At least he lived a good life)(At least he lived his life right)Too bad for you the words they say are nothing really but lies.It all was lies. Your life's a lie.I bet by now you thought you had beaten me.With no regrets I say to you...There's nothing you can do you might as well quit now.

Black days
An unspoken knowledge of prescription happiness.An everyday affair.With shattered dreams of being someone.It lost the whole meaning.Chorus:There's no cause.There's no want.I have no light for your black days.I don't knowwhat you want.I have no answers for your black days.A power larger than the sky.Stronger than both you and I.I'm holding nothing that will help you.I don't know why you sought out me for somethingI can't give you.

Burden of truth
So young yet she's found a good reason toAct as if there isn't an answer toHer actions hurt more than she wants them toI am not a person you can see (through)...this is not what I had wanted at all...Chorus:How can you exist knowing all the pain you've caused the rest?Going through your days like nothing's wrong.Keep an eye out, you will get yours, you will learn thatyour one chance was worth ignoring.I've seen first hand what all your words can do.With deaf ears I'd still hear the lies from you.A blind man could stare at her and see through.With no tongue I still would be laughing too.Is it your personality? Or just a hatred there for me?I'm asking honestly to see why are they idolizing you?...This time I know that you won't see me crawl...Chorus:How can you exist knowing all the pain you've caused the rest?Going through your days like nothing's wrong.Keep an eye out, you will get yours, you will learn thatyour one chance was worth ignoring.Bridge:No matter how hard you try you will never stop me from who I'llBe.Now is not my time to lay down and give in to.It's bad to love my enemies for all the strength they've givenme.This is a perfect ending to (the pointless lies you put meThrough)Chorus

My apology
I know I've done some things to you.I say some things I shouldn't too.Don't know why I act like I do.Maybe I need to get away.Still you continue to help me.Supported what I want to be.You even gave me eyes to see.Maybe you need to get away.Chorusmy apology for what I've done to youI'd take it back if I could.There's no excuse for why I've treated youso horribly it's on me.Is there some way I can repayor reverse hurtful words I say?So much time I let go to waste.Still you would never turn away.Can I turn all this time around?You never thought you'd hear the sound.I think I finally have found.What I had never seen before.My apology for what I've done to youI'd take it back if I could.There's no excuse for why I've treated youso horribly it's on me...It's on me...It's on me...It's on me...My apology for what I've done to youI'd take it back if I could.There's no excuse for why I've treated youso horribly it's on me

Painting the eyes
I am on my ownThere's no one in the roomThey've left me all aloneI don't know what to doI'm keeping track of timeSat thinking like those daysBut I'm just in a hazeI'm blinded by your corruptionYou never thought of meYou hate the things you seeYou'll never last because you thinkyou take away those thingsI know I can live without youWith all I know about youjust wish I never met you or never even knew your nameI don't know why I'm with youyes Still I will try for youWhat was that you sayCould never be that wayToday is your new dayShould I feel happy for youI can't believe my earsIt only took three yearsI'm glad you somehow think its my fault for the complicationsYou never took the timeTo get yourself in lineAnd take the chanceTo know those thingsWith open mindI'm better off without youNow I cannot seem to hear youI don't think I can take you should just walk awayI don't know why I'm with youyes still I will try for youNow I knowYou're so conceivingNow I knowYou'll never bring me downNow you knowYou're so conceivingNow we knowI'm done with you

This Goodbye
Breaking under from the pressure of a life that hasn't comeLosing sleep and wondering what you have left for meHow is this still happening and will it ever leave?The ending to my story isn't written yetI don't know what I will do If it goes on like thisChorus:If there has to be an answer, a judge between the twoI am sorry to say this goodbye to youMaybe in another life I wouldn't have to chooseThen I wouldn't have to say this goodbye to youNothing ever changes here and nothing ever willThere is no more strength and there is nothing left to fillI've exhausted every ounce of faith I have to giveThe ending to my story isn't written yetI know just what I will doIf it goes on like thisDo you remember the words that you said?And all the places that we planned to beThe last time your world seemed so obsolete to me and you

Fatherless
I am so afraid to face the day, it's over now.
Lying to myself in every way, so fragile now.
I wish I could leave without a trace, so far away,
Somewhere that won't remind me of that place,
Where you left me…
I wish you were here now so I could see the truth,
About what kind of person I'm not meant to be,
The fame, the blame, the shame, its all the remains,
I'll never be the same, never gonna be the same again.
Because you changed the world, forgot the way,
Remember as a kid, I had every aspiration to grow up like you,
It's true, who knew, that you'd abandon me,
I'll never be the same, never gonna be the same again.
I am so messed up now it's safe to say, its not over now,
Trying to start again another day, please tell me how.
I wish I could breathe another lie, that I could say,
Convince myself I have a better life, I just can't see.
I wish you were here now so I could see the truth,
About what kind of person I'm not meant to be,
The fame, the blame, the shame, its all the remains,
I'll never be the same, never gonna be the same again.
Because you changed the world, forgot the way,
Remember as a kid, I had every aspiration to grow up like you,
It's true, who knew, that you'd abandon me,
I'll never be the same, never gonna be the same again.
I wish I could breathe another lie, that I could say,
Convince myself I have a better lie, just can't see.
So soon we give up, we've got to keep what we can see,
I wouldn't take all the slack when you abandoned me.
But how could you run away since I was only too young to understand what ever's been left for me.
I wish you were here now so I could see the truth,
About what kind of person I'm not meant to be,
The fame, the blame, the shame, its all the remains,
I'll never be the same, never gonna be the same again.
I wish I could breathe another lie, that I could say,
Convince myself I have a better life, I just can't see.

Bipolar
It's the quiet after the storm,
Not a single thing will stay around me anymore.
Have to settle back to the floor,
And I am still standing.
I'm still standing, on my own…
The glasses only have emptied,
Nearly half their spell on the floor,
Between the cracks where the answer lies waiting,
But who's even asking?
Why take so long?
Why change, just takes a little time,
To change, just takes a little time,
To change, just takes a little time…
I'm still standing, on my own…
Why change, just takes a little time,
To change, just takes a little time,
To change, just takes a little time…
Sometimes it feels like I'm near the end,
It's just one of these changes,
There's still a sweetness to life that retains,
That's why I try to keep laughing.
Why take so long, why take a long time…

Beautiful emotion
When you need emotion there's a special place I have for you,
One that's been constructed from the fibres of you solitude.
When you need emotion,
Beautiful devotion,
Your impair devotion to the things that I would do for you.
You cannot take that feeling away from me,
You, I will turn my back on you.
Blooming in emotion from the silent rain that falls on me,
Drops that feel the ocean of your likeness in my memory,
When you need emotion,
Beautiful emotion,
Innocent emotion that your love decides to shine on me.
You cannot take that feeling away from me,
You, I will turn my back on you.
You always shut the sunshine off my face,
You are the failures in the rain.
If you live to see the ever after you'll know just how much its worth,
Underneath the candy coated surprise you didn't know.
You cannot take that feeling away from me,
You, I will turn my back on you.
You always shut the sunshine off my face,
You are the failures in the rain.

Further gone
Coming into life lived long before, without the warring rise.
From the top we'll take it all for credit, everything is so unfair.
In the dark we'll waste all our confusion, showing love for one who cares,
Satisfied to light the sense of reason in a system that sucks.
Falling apart, one piece at a time, each day, further gone away, what can I say?
Just pray.
I could never live without your love, not in this world.
Love that conquers everything, just love and nothing more.
All alone I'm torn apart now I can see your face,
Recognisers in control by letting go of the faith.
Captivated by every little secret, and every body is fading fast.
To the smallest of words that are misleading, a sullen quest that's so unchained.
Contradiction awaits the stars before you, the only ones that cannot change.
Contemplate the soul for more treasures in an effort to change.
Wrapped in chains, one piece at a time, each day, further gone away, what can I say?
Just pray.
I could never live without your love, not in this world.
Love that conquers everything, just love and nothing more.
In a system that's falling apart one small piece at a time,
Getting listened to and finding out just why I can't reach up that high.
I lean up to find all of the things that I cannot understand.
I could never live without your love, not in this world.
Love that conquers everything, just love and nothing more.
All alone I'm torn apart now I can see your face,
Recognisers in control by letting go of the faith.

No stone unturned
Like a little boy who has lost his way.
You're so gone just to recognize familiar advice to cut ahead,
Too bad to see that you had screamed and torn me all apart.
You, You could walk with me, like you did before.
Weeks before I stop to look around, just to see what's left of me,
Just to find that I was too scared to be me anymore.
All of the words that were spoken, and all the things left unsaid,
I still believe in the magic that you did.
As time goes, just to feel the lines in your saddened face.
You always go deeper every time, and even though you're a part of me,
You just can't see enough tears to walk away; you'll be the end of me.
You, you could hold my hand, like you did before.
Weeks before I stop to look around, just to see what's left of me,
Just a point that I was too scared to think myself, or love you anymore.
All of the words that were spoken, and all the things left unsaid,
I still believe in the magic that you did.
Now that the walls have been broken, and not a stone left unturned,
I could see that you meant what you said.
I still believe you meant what you said,
I still believe you meant what you said to me.
I still believe you meant what you said,
I still believe you mean what you said to me.
I still believe, I still believe.
All of the words that were spoken, and all the things left unsaid,
I still believe in the magic that you did.
Now that the walls have been broken, and not a stone left unturned,
I could see that you meant what you said.
I still believe you meant what you said,
I still believe you meant what you said to me.
I still believe you meant what you said,
I still believe you mean what you said to me.
I still believe, I still believe.

One last wish.
Did you ever think that you could reach over, above from inside?
Do you touch yourself from everything and pass over in one worthy lie?
It's no problem. Never show the obvious!
It's no problem. Never show the obvious!
It's no problem. Never stick up for the obvious!
It's no problem. Never show the obvious!
Do you pretend to have it all figured out, now just live for the moment?
Consider all that's left behind, that is one moment of time
If I could have just one last wish before I die, I'd give up all I have just to make everything that is wrong go right.
It's no problem. You never say the obvious
It's no problem. You never say the obvious
It's no problem. You never stick up for the obvious
It's no problem. You never say the obvious
You never say the obvious,
You never say the obvious.
You never stick up for the obvious,
You never show the obvious.
If I could have just one last wish before I die, I'd give up all I have just to make everything that is wrong go right.
If I could have just one last wish before I die, I'd give up all I have just to make everything that is wrong go right.

Shades of grey.
Can't find a reason to let go,
Move on onto the great unknown.
Wheres the balance between what is right,
I wanna know what is so wrong.
Just the guns of the truth, only time will tell, all the stories are falling to the side.
Why does everybody talk about these uneven resolves?Why doesn't he remember when his life was out of season?
Why do we have to cry for all the pain and suffering?
Why, I keep wondering why these shades of grey
Question a reason for so long,
Untold anarchy for the soul,
Black in mind is a concept, which will find you,
It all comes at a price and only time will tell when we agree the gift of life as well.
Why does everybody talk about these uneven resolves?Why doesn't he remember when his life was out of season?
Why do we have to cry for all the pain and suffering?
Why, I keep wondering why these shades of grey
Why does everybody talk about these uneven resolves?Why doesn't he remember when his life was out of season?
Why do we have to cry for all the pain and suffering?
Why, why?
Why, why, I can't find the way.
Why, just can't find the way,
Why, nobody told me the way,
It's coming over me.
Why, why, I can't find the way.
Why, just can't find the way,
Why, nobody told me the way,
It's coming over me.
It's coming over me.

Shine
Take a second just to shine, shine, shine
Take a second just to shine, shine, shine
Take a second just to shine, shine, shine
Take a second just to shine, shine, shine
Your words like feathers, thrown into the breeze,
Never to receive, the effect it has on me.
The things you say like bullets, meddlings at me,
Overtaking me, persuading me.
Take a shot and it goes right between my eyes, right between my eyes,
Shine, persuading me.
Take a shot and it goes right between my eyes, right between my eyes, shine.
Take a second just to shine, shine, shine
Take a second just to shine, shine, shine
Take a second just to shine, shine, shine
Take a second just to shine, shine, shine
Now you stand just above me, you push on that you boy,
What a different shade than the one before.
Now it all flows together, because you paid it line by line,
Struck a grain of time, take a second just to shine.
Take a shot and it goes right between my eyes, right between my eyes,
Shine, just to shine.
Take a shot and it goes right between my eyes, right between my eyes, shine.
Take a shot and it goes right between my eyes, right between my eyes,
Shine
Take a shot and it goes right between my eyes, right between my eyes, shine.
Take a second just to shine, shine, shine
Take a second just to shine, shine, shine
Take a second just to shine, shine, shine
Take a second just to shine, shine, shine
Shine, shine, shine, shine
Take a shot and it goes right between my eyes, right between my eyes,
Shine, just to shine.
Take a shot and it goes right between my eyes, right between my eyes, shine.
Just to shine.
Take a shot and it goes right between my eyes, right between my eyes,
Shine, just to shine.
Take a shot and it goes right between my eyes, right between my eyes, shine.
Just to shine.

Without words
Here I am again, just staring at the page,
Trying to write the things I think I wanna say, now.
There's not a single stroke or word that comes to mind,
I cannot tell you the way I feel inside.
And maybe if I will find another way,
Or maybe I'll say too much and make you go away, no
Why can't you just look up and see it in my face,
See the things that I want you to see…
Here I am again just staring at your face,
Trying to say the things I know I wanna say, now.]
There's not a single word or thought that comes to mind,
I wish I could tell you the way I feel inside.
And maybe if I will find another way,
Or maybe I'll say too much and make you go away, no
Why can't you just look up and see it in my face,
See the things that I want you to see…
Why can't you just look at my face,
Why can't you just look at me face,
Why can't you just look at my, face!
And maybe if I will find another way,
Or maybe I'll say too much and make you go away, no
Why can't you just look up and see it in my face,
See the things that I want you to see…

My curse-Killswitch engage lyrics

My curse
I watched you walk awayHopeless, with nothing to sayI screen my eyesHoping to see you againThis is my curse (the longing)This is my curse (time)This is my curse (the yearning)This is my curseThere is love burning to find youWill you wait for me?Will you be here?Your silence haunts meBut I still hunger for youThis is my curse (the wanting)This is my curse (time)This is my curse (the needing)This is my curseThere is love burning to find youWill you wait for me?And still I wantAnd still I acheBut still I waitTo see you againDying, inside, these walls [2x]Can I see your face in these tears?In these tearsAnd I see your face...There is love [8x]

Pandora's aquarium-Tori Amos lyrics

PandoraPandora's aquariumShe dives for shellsWith her nautical nunsAnd thoughts you thoughtYou'd never tell
I am not asking you to believe in me Boy I think you're confusedI'm not Persephone foam can be dangerous with tape across my mouth theseThings you do I never asked you how
Line me up in single file with all yourGrievances Stare but I can taste you're still alive below the waste ripples come andRipples goAnd ripple back to me
PandoraPandora's aquariumShe dives for shellsWith her nautical nunsAnd thoughts you thoughtYou'd never tell
Line me up in single fileWith all you grievancesStare but I can tasteYou're still alive below the wasteRipples come and ripplesGo and ripple back to me
I am not asking you to believe inMe Boy I think you're confusedI'm not PersephoneShe's in New York somewhereChecking her accountsThe Lord of The Files wasDiagnosed as Sound

Eating disorder or diet?

Eating Disorder or Diet?
The most common element surrounding ALL Eating Disorders is the inherent presence of a low self esteem
Having an Eating Disorder is much more than just being on a diet. An Eating Disorder is an illness that permeates all aspects of each sufferer's life, is caused by a variety of emotional factors and influences, and has profound effects on the people suffering and their loved ones.
Dieting is about losing a little bit of weight in a healthy way.
Eating Disorders are about trying to make your whole life better through food and eating (or lack of).
Dieting is about doing something healthy for yourself.
Eating Disorders are about seeking approval and acceptance from everyone through negative attention.
Dieting is about losing a bit of weight and doing it healthfully.
Eating Disorders are about how life won't be good until a bit (or a lot) of weight is lost, and there's no concern for what kind of damage you do to yourself to get there.
Dieting is about losing some weight in a healthy way so how you feel on the outside will match how good you already feel on the inside.
Eating Disorders are about being convinced that your whole self-esteem is hinged on what you weigh and how you look.
Dieting is about attempting to control your weight a bit better.
Eating Disorders are about attempting to control your life and emotions through food/lack of food -- and are a huge neon sign saying "look how out of control I really feel"
Dieting is about losing some weight.
Eating Disorders are about everything going on in life -- stress, coping, pain, anger, acceptance, validation, confusion, fear -- cleverly (or not so cleverly) hidden behind phrases like "I'm just on a diet".

Take to the sky-Tori Amos lyrics

This house is like RussiaWith eyes cold and greyYou got me moving in a circleI dyed my hair red todayI just want a little passionTo hold me in the darkI know I've got some magicBuried deep in my heart yeah

But my priest saysYou ain't saving no soulsMy father saysYou ain't making any moneyMy doctor saysYou just took it to the limitAnd here I standWith this sword in my hand

You can say it one more timeWhat you don't likeLet me hear it one more time thenHave a seat while ITake to the sky

My heart is like the oceanIt gets in the waySo close to touching freedomThen I hear the guards call my name

But my priest saysYou ain't taking no soulsMy father saysYou ain't making any moneyMy doctor saysYou just took it to the limitAnd here I standWith this sword in my hand

You can say it one more timeWhat you don't likeLet me hear it one more time thenHave a seat while ITake to the sky

If you don't like me just a littleWhy do you hang around(There she goes againWearing those purple pantiesThere she goes againWearing her heartThere she goes again)Why do youTake it

You can say it one more timeYou can say it one more timeYou can say it one more timeWhat you don't likeLet me hear it one more time thenHave a seat while ITake to the sky

We are all loved

i just decided to post this here to show that even though we may not feel loved by our friends or family that there is always someone who will love us-God.Even if we cannot ever love him back,he will always love us.We will always be loved and that is an amazing thing.Even though we may fail,God's love is unconditional.Even thought we may feel rejected,alone,hated we are not.I love God so much for this.So don't give up,you are loved no matter what.
I love you

Hurt-Nine Inch Nails lyrics

I hurt myself todayTo see if i still feelI focus on the painThe only thing that's realThe needle tears a holeThe old familiar stingTry to kill it all awayBut i remember everythingWhat have i become?My sweetest friendEveryone i knowGoes away in the endYou could have it allMy empire of dirtI will let you downI will make you hurtI wear this crown of shitOn my liar's chairFull of broken thoughtsI cannot repairBeneath the stains of timeThe feelings disappearYou are someone elseI am still right hereWhat have i become?My sweetest friendEveryone i knowGoes away in the endYou could have it allMy empire of dirtI will let you downI will make you hurtIf i could start againA million miles awayI would keep myselfI would find a way

We are waging a civil war against ourselves

I abhor violence. I tend to look the other way when I am threatened. I tend to question how people can get so involved in conflict that the value of human life and well-being is diminished. I've seen people - reasonable, intelligent people - turn into ravaging maniacs because of anger, hatred, and bigotry. I've seen the world fight wars. I've seen how conflicts around the globe spark bigger conflicts, and how compromises turn into demands. I've seen moderation stamped out by intolerance, and activism drowned by ignorance. And so it continues. Our world fights with itself. Every war we fight is another civil war - humans fight humans; spirits fight spirits. There is no "us" and "them" - and people are often confused by that. The boundary lines we inhabit might determine the freedoms and prosperities we might receive, or decide your fate for you before you get a chance to breathe. Nothing is certain, anywhere you live.But we fight with ourselves again. The current world: Iraq? If the in-fighting would just cease, if people would just embrace their society instead of trying to destroy it, the "occupation" would end, and the struggle for freedom would begin with new friends. The fighting has to stop.Palestine elected terrorists to govern, and they got terrorism in their government. They have been engulfed in civil war, and it can only stop when people decide to make it stop. Hamas was elected to power not to govern Palestine, but to express discontent with Israel. Again, the hatred brews and the results have come from it: death, destruction, war. The fighting has to stop.Darfur has mass genocide. People are routinely, systematically raped. People die because they are of a different skin type. Mass, horrific, fighting. Blood, war, death; the fighting has to stop.Here at home, I pride myself for the good fortune I have been lucky enough to be awarded. But I recognize the problems. The two party system of government, coupled with an ever-increasing lame duck president, continue to display their own impotence to help solve these world problems. We've been immersed in our own failures, and every good intention is drowned by critics from past mistakes. Republican and Democrat fight to appear to have a better image, when the world fights wars. Politics over leadership. Who can make the other look worse, instead of how can we help each other. Squabbling over no-confidence votes and non-binding resolutions, when people fight wars both at home and abroad. People fight. The fighting has to stop.I believe military intervention can bring peace, and it is necessary in many situations. But the constant fighting has to stop. All we do is run around in a great circle of fighting; never ending, ceaseless fighting. People die, needlessly, every day - proving our own ineffectiveness to coexist. We are all apart of the same sea - surely one day the ocean will stop trying to divide itself.

The problems with socialism

It seems to me that there is this growing infatuation with Socialism these days. The very heart of it attracts those compassionate people into believing that this is the object of civilized society. I see it growing in political popularity. I see it growing in religious circles. I see it becoming a welcomed member of society.Socialism is basically a form of government that takes all the profits of a society and spreads it equally across its citizens. It looks real good on paper: no one is richer than anyone else; no one goes without a home; everyone has equal access to the goods of a society; everyone has exactly what they need provided for them; everyone is treated and respected equally.As I said, this all sounds great on paper. Problem is, in action, the deeds fall short of the intention. Here are my issues with Socialism:1. No CompetitionIn socialism, all classes of people have exactly the same wealth. No one has more than their neighbor. What this does is create a sense of security and comfort. When someone works harder than another person, the exact same profit is earned (in whatever capacity we call "profit"). Therefore, there is really no need to work harder than another. If one person carries more of the burden, or more responsibility - like a manager of a plant, or the head of a business - there is really no incentive to carry the needs of that particular position to its peak level. You have thus created a plateau for business achievement.2. Someone always takes over.Stalin. Chairman Mao. Fidel Castro. Hugo Chavez. Hillary Clinton. There's always someone ready to take the lead and decide what's best for everyone else. There is a pinnacle; a peak representative of the society willing to bear the "brunt" of the blows for the "good of society." In other words, it turns into a dictatorship very quickly. With society in control of all the wealth and distribution thereof, the head of that society is the one in charge of deciding how it goes out. You have just created a despot. It might work out for a generation, maybe two, but someone will be in charge that doesn't want to give up power. It's human nature. Not spiritual nature - human nature. There are smooth talkers, and fast walkers. Look how our buddy Hugo Chavez is turning his democratic Venezuela into a dictatorship systematically. As long as the right procedure is followed, it can be done. When the government is in charge, there's no stopping the government's control.3. It has not worked anywhere it has been tried.The Soviet Union; Cuba; Communist China; North Korea; Vietnam - not one of these countries has succeeded without millions of deaths, outrageous numbers of starving citizens, or they just haven't succeeded at all. Stalin massacred his own people. So did Chairman Mao. Kim Jong Il allows his citizens to starve while he further isolates his country. Vietnam had millions of its citizens killed when the United States withdrew from its efforts to halt the spread of Communism. Cuba has refugees leaving still to this day. China is only just now viewing the potential wealth in modeling its economy along more capitalist forms. Socialism doesn't work. Not in the forms that have been tried, and not in the forms that will be developed.Human society, as a whole, cannot hold up in this dream of a Utopia. I'll admit it again - all these ideas about Socialism sound absolutely wonderful. But they have always fell short in action. The United States is the freest, wealthiest, most powerful country in the world - and it's been around for less than two and a half centuries. I credit this to an absolutely amazingly written constitution above all else; and an amazing system for its economy to continually better itself. Free trade, capitalist corporate and business models, and a drive to be better for your own sake. In the place, you can become as wealthy as you can figure out how to become. All you have to do is strive to be better. I fear and rue the day that Socialism is found to be the absolute model of perfection. It will be on that day that people hand over that which gives them the right to believe what they believe; that which gives them the right to be what they want to be; that which gives them the right to decide for themselves how far they wish to succeed in life; that which gives them the right to practice whatever religion, notion, or idea comes to their mind.That thing I refer to is freedom. Keep government out of your life. Personal freedom is all that counts in this world.

Attack of the conscience

It is thus: when one feels the experience of gnosis, it is an overwhelming sense of joy, love, confusion, and triumph. And with it, when one returns to our lively, coffee-driven, baby goo world, we find ourselves immersed in the same old junk we were before: life's problems.However, the big difference is not the way life comes at you; the big change in life is how you get back with reality. There is a shift in consciousness; a change in course; a new direction for your responses to flow. It's clarity. We can question even the most basic of moral rules to a fault, and actually understand that sometimes even what's considered "right" can actually be wrong. This is the stage where your conscience is pounding in your head. You've awoke the sleeping giant.No more can you sit idly by and float through the primordial ooze. No more can you see harm being done to others, or sit and watch another do harm to themselves. No more can you bear witness to injustice and turn the blind eye. It doesn't make you superman to be this aware - just makes you superconscious.Even the smallest life has meaning: I've noted before that my mum gets very irritated when I argue with her about killing the spider running across the floor. And you know you've got issues when you say a prayer for a fruit fly.But these are the examples of the underlying resonance within each of us. There is a sleeping spark within that opens our eyes to the wonderful and beautiful creations throughout reality. We see that there is not so much black and white in the world: it's all confused, collapsing in on itself.But the glimmer of hope is within us all. The bond between the saint and the sinner is unnoticeable, but unbreakable. We are all life - and that life's purpose is to recognize it and respect it .Gnosis is the freedom you are longing for.

You're almost there...Don't stop now...

Anytime you start to try something new, it can be exciting and challenging. Especially when, at first, everything seems to be a great combination with your spirit.This is contemporary Gnosticism. Many are attracted to its elements because the word is used so much by so many people. This is another reason it's entirely difficult to ground down an exact definition and outline for modern Gnosticism. Many people are attracted to it from different sources - notably those who have actually misused the word Gnosticism when representing themselves.One of the scary things about entering into something new is that when it's not exactly what you were expecting, we retreat. I've seen many people who are attracted to Gnosticism because they've heard of Sylvia Browne or Samual Woer using the word to describe their particual set of beliefs. Once they learn how laughable their brand really is compared to true contemporary Gnosticism, they retreat back into their "safe zone," for fear that they have absolutely no idea what is going on - like they will be judged for being crazy.This should never be the case. I was actually initially attracted to Gnosticism through Sylvia Browne's words, which was my direct quest to seek a higher knowledge of the Divine. As I explored the religion further, I realized (a) how different it really was from what Sylvia said it was, and (b) how in love with it I really was.Many don't initially understand the many layers of interpretation that follow through the myths and allegories of Gnostic folklore. And trust me, there are plenty of places on the web and through scholarship that claim all sorts of obscene things about the Gnostic religion and its practices, but at the core root of it, there are all these different routes the knowledge can and does go. It is more broad than people have ever really given it credit for, and I think that's a travesty. Gnosticism is more than a religion with a set of beliefs. It's more than a liturgy. It's more than the myths that they use to teach. It's more than the word itself.It's not UFO worship, or some sex cult, or some occultic pagan group of Satan worshippers. It's figurehead is not some psychic lady that can tell you what your grandmother is doing in Heaven. It IS the active, consistant approach to seeking out gnosis, and using that particular experience by applying it to life. The gnosis is what frees us.All else is conjecture, and should not taint the purity of gnosis.

Jesus-To be or not to be

I guess this is a long time coming, because I feel compelled to write about it.I've noticed in many, many places that are gnostic-oriented that the existence of a physical Jesus is hotly debated, and more times than not, usually considered to be false. While all of these forums allow you a freedom to believe whichever you're most comfortable with, it feels like the "endorsed" message is that there was no physical Jesus.Let me say: this post is not intended to debate the existence of Jesus.I'm feeling a growing concern, however, that this message is being used far too much to be of any effectiveness. I stand behind and encourage creative thought and exploration, and this is certainly a subject that is both valid and neccesary to pursue in order to find roots and meanings behind esoteric messages and myths. But the Jesus myth as it exists today is an important bridge for those entering into a more spiritual form of Christianity: Gnositicism.I caution those that are so quick to extend their opinions on the existence of a physical Jesus, because I believe it is out of personal spite that this subject is usually explored; a way to rebel against the establishment - the big "THEM" that is already called "Christianity."I have always viewed Gnosticism as a very esoteric, meaningful, spiritual, and unique part of a movement that has often been called "Christianity" (though there are differences). Many people who seem to "cuddle" with Gnosticism can do so because it allows them the luxury of exploring their deeper spiritual needs, and yet not abandon completely the childhood religion that they've grown up with. To this end, the importance of having a common tie between the two is very defined. The myth of Jesus is an important bridge for people to cross from the Christianity of old into Gnosticism.For the gnostic, I believe it would be very detrimental to the movement to automatically discount the existence of a physical Jesus because it would thereby sever the tie with the curious Christian, and perhaps might make that particular seeker retreat back into his/her own particular form of error. The thought of "no Jesus" for someone trying to pursue an esoteric religion that they have little knowledge of might just be enough for someone who has grown around the idea of a physical Jesus to take two steps back from their own spiritual progress.In no way do I dispute that this is a valid topic to bring to people's attention, and we should always explore the route to knowledge wherever that leads us. But we must also, as gnostics, understand that accepting a defined "position" on this particular subject could not only hurt the growth and developement of the gnostic movement, but it can also affect the seeker that is on the path to their own particular gnosis. Too many times have I seen those in a "priestly" role outright declare that there "is no physical Jesus" because of a lack of physical evidence. This is a position that, in my opinion, should be avoided if one is honor-bound to assist the spiritual seeker attain gnosis. Jesus has become an icon in the spiritual world. One can believe in a physical, spiritual, mythological, or allegorical Jesus; but one must conclude that none of these can be advertised exclusively be a body of spiritual seekers on a quest to expand both our minds and the minds of those willing to listen. Besides, I hear Jesus was a cool guy.

Born with freedom

Freedom is a concept many in Western society are familiar with. Put into to definition restraints, "freedom" can be described as "living outside of slavery." Ghandi described freedom as an inner peace. Then there are others - the many people in the world that view freedom as a protective force: a positive idea that provides happiness and stability.In Western society, freedom is something you're born with. There is no question; it's an inalienable right. God-given. Handed on a platter for even the most demented, sick, and twisted people to abuse. We don't question its existence because we witness this freedom everyday (though it's not noticed).We can openly criticize our government and our leaders. We can decide whether we should go to work or stay at home. We decide what work to go to. We decide what mate we wish to wed. We decide what we define ourselves as being. We simply ARE.This, as strange as it may seem, is a very alien idea in some parts of the world. Russia and China, for example, require news agencies to belong to the government for the express sole reason of censoring its media (pretty handy, if you ask me, and probably why Putin's approval rating is so high). In some parts of the world, women are still second-class citizens with no recognized rights to, well...anything. Some parts of the world seem almost completely abandoned to the entire concept of "freedom." Iraq and Afgahnistan are two place where this was true. The ideas of "freedom" and "liberty" are no doubt unfamiliar concepts to these peoples, and a certain amount of cultural adjustment is in transition. Many are opposed to this adjustment because many fear what they do not understand. Fear can also keep a mind closed, and closed minds are very difficult to persuade.Then there are other problems - different sub-groups vying for power all over the place. Those few that have a desire to rule with "an iron fist" are just as steadfast in their determination to keep the established norm of obedience and submission on the mass population. These few have even gained support from those that wish for the illusion of security. The many that seek freedom are, by now, assuredly, fearful to speak against such groups. It looks simple from the other side of the world. The thought is "if they would just stop fighting, we could pull our troops out." Naive as it may be, it is an easy concept for our instant coffee minds to warm up to, and the problem then turns to impatience and frustration when the scene doesn't become the paradise that we think it should be.It's depressing. It's disheartening. It's loathesome. The bloodshed and the violence from those people that need this freedom (but don't understand its limitless boundaries) is ultimately coming under the bigger spotlight. The idea of freedom is vanishing to be replaced with the illusion of security. There is no such thing as "stable" and "secure." The US is supposed to be both of these, and yet people die of senseless violence in this country every day.We should allow the idea of freedom to blossom within this culture's youngest minds. The children, ultimately, are going to be the deciding factors in this struggle. For within their naive minds, the idea of freedom can be planted, and as they grow, not knowing any other way to be, freedom flourishes for them.As I look for the end of this struggle, I feel that it will be passed on to my children's generation. Not because some president started a war with intent on stealing oil reserves (rediculous); but because of default - it's going to take that long to raise a generation into modern civility. Our children will become the ultimate decision makers in this conflict, because the world that we give birth to now is for them. We do not fight an army. We fight no government. We fight no country. It's fascism that we fight. It's intolerance that we fight. And it's freedom that we hold dear to our hearts, and we wish to impress that on people across the globe. If that is wrong, then I will be wrong.

The problem with labels

We search for our identity. That's a fact of life. We seek to learn about ourselves - why and how we are the way we are - and this is the ultimate goal for everyone (or at least it should be).That identity can be sought outside of ourselves, and shaped by ideologies on the outside of our being. The true identity is always inside, the Christ within each of us - whether we look for it or not.You will probably see that no matter how different we are on the outside, our center-self is virtually identical to each other - like knots on a rope. It's a connection to that center that is called "gnosis."On the outside, however, things are not so easy. We struggle to identify with society, the lesser self - the PUBLIC self (it was called "the mob" in Rome...go figure). The self is then bent and formed, growing in and around each society and its own unique norms and processes. We define ourselves growing into these societies by different labels, such as "rich" or "poor", "middle-class", "democrat" or "republican", or even "Jewish" or "Christian." No matter what the label, it's usually determined by how we interact with each group we live our life around, and how they in turn react to our own impressions on their personalities.The problem here is that we sometimes let these outside forces define who we are, instead of questioning why we believe something for ourself. I am, of course, guilty of this just like most others are. But what we all must do is analyze what it is that we hold dear, why we have the values that we have, and what we can do to better the interaction of outside principles on our own psyche.Labels can be important, too, because they allow a conscousness to feel welcomed. I've touched on this in another post, but it's still to be held true. We must know WHY we are the way we are, and not just allow society to tell us what and why to think. I am fully aware that people disagree with my opinions on things, but we all must know that we come from the same identical root. My opinions don't make me better or smarter than anyone, and neither do anyone else's make them the same. We search for our identity all our lives within society. If we only searched within ourselves, we might not be so restricted as a society. When will we stop thinking of ourselves as different people and start thinking of ourselves as one?

Salvation through differences

- ...Such is the very death of the created being. We die to the extent that we fail to discriminate. For this reason the natural impulse of the created being is directed toward differentiation and toward the struggle against the ancient, pernicious state of sameness. The natural tendency is called Principium Individuationis (Principal of Individuation). This principle is indeed the essence of every created being. From these things you may readily recognize why the undifferentiated principle and lack of discrimination are all a great danger to created beings. For this reason we must be able to distinguish the qualities of the Pleroma. Its qualities are the PAIRS OF OPPOSITES, such as the effective and the ineffectivefullness and emptinessthe living and the deaddifference and samenesslight and darkhot and coldenergy and mattertime and spacegood and evilthe beautiful and the uglythe one and the manyand so forth.
The pairs of opposites are the qualities of the Pleroma: they are also in reality non-existent because they cancel each other out. Since we ourselves are the Pleroma, we also have these qualities present within us; inasmuch as the foundation of our being is differentiation, we possess these qualities in the name and under the sign of differentiation, which means:
First--that the qualities are in us differentiated from each other, and they are separated from each other, and thus they do not cancel each other out, rather they are in action. It is thus that we are the victims of the pairs of opposites. For in us the Pleroma is rent in two.
Second--the qualities belong to the Pleroma, and we can and should partake of them only in the name and under the sign of differentiation. We must separate ourselves from these qualities. In the Pleroma they cancel each other out; in us they do not. But if we know how to know ourselves as being apart from the pairs of opposites, then we have attained to salvation. -
[The Seven Sermons of the Dead]
- Carl Gustav Jung

Why do it right when you can do it twice?

Laziness irritates me to no end.I can't understand why someone would want to take an "easy way out" when it's usually the path that leads them to have to re-do something.Far as I'm concerned, a job's not worth doing if it's not worth doing right. I hate trying to rush through something; I'd rather take my time and make sure it's right. Of course I don't always succeed, but I seem to have a higher success rate when I do things right.With our "instant coffee" culture today, this often presents a problem for anyone trying to "keep up" with the rest of the world. I've made it a big effort on this blog to speak out against rushing oneself, as this is often what leads to certain failure.Take it from someone who knows - doing a task that you don't want to do can be quite annoying. But having to do the task twice is completely stupid.Take your time, do it right, and be finished. The same applies to the spirit. Don't be quick to rush to beliefs and revelations. Slow down, absorb, and relax. Then do it again.

Living every moment

As I looked at my watch about 10 minutes before I got to leave school, I realized that I invest too much time into wishing away MY time.I think "it's only a few more minutes" and then try to keep myself occupied so that "time will fly" by and I won't even notice.This is exactly what I DON'T need to do. This is the "rush" that gets people into problems. It's the little moments in life that we live through that aren't always pleasant that we must also pay attention to. These moments, when they've all passed, will be looked upon as "wastes of time." Use every minute you can for awareness. Live in the now, the present, with full realization. You never know what can hit you when you're not paying attention. Of course, you never know what opportunites you can miss when you're not focused either. Good things don't happen to those who wait. Good things happen to those who pay attention.

Anti-Church

I've just seen it so many times. A voice out of no where, criticising institutional ecclesiastics. It hurts sometimes, to see so much anger aimed at a formless body of people. It hurts, too, because these institutions are formed specifically for these types of people.The whole idea behind ecclesiastics is to provide a sense of community to the mass of those who feel "alone." It creates an establishment in which communion with either the Divine or other people of the same faith (or both). Ecclesiastics are also there in order to nurture the individual, create a stable environment for the spirit, and cultivate the inner feeling of "good" that is within.When I see so much anti-ecclesia from people who seem so hell-bent on being rebels, it saddens me to no end. These few have had problems usually within another institution, one that hasn't suited their needs, and have chosen instead to push away all other institutions.I've also seen some who seem to carry a grudge with a specific establishment, mainly because either the church didn't or couldn't help them (I say "the church" meaning "church" in general).For instance: there are many who would point out the inadeqacies of the Catholic church. By far, there are no small numbers in the column of negatives that the Catholic church has created. Some lash out against this group, claiming that their beliefs are absurd and rediculous. There are those of a persuasion that believe the Catholic church today is the same institution that called for the Crusades and the same one that began the Inquisition. Fact of the matter is, this is not the same church. It's grown - evolved, if you will. And there are countless people who are actually aided by the Catholic church and it's influence. The good is never told, nor is it emphasized - only the bad.It's the same story with our dear Gnostic church. There are so many out in the world that have been hurt by their previous institutions, or just don't trust an established hierarchy with their spiritual developement. So instead of working to improve their ties, they work against it.There are many who pursue a spiritual path by themselves. That is honorable, as we all must make an individual struggle to improve our individual spirit. But to rebel against an establishment that has a system of proven effectiveness is wrong. It's just wrong.If I thought Gnosis wasn't suited for my needs then I wouldn't stick with it,I'd find something else that seemed right for me.Never would I insult and throw stones at the institution that isn't able to help. To those that would, maybe self-examination is appropriate in order to further your spiritual needs. Maybe, maybe, it's not the institution's fault.
As Jesus said,"May the person who has done nothing wrong throw the first stone."

Failure and Frustration

I set out to complete a task, and the first step I have failed. Some might not see it as such; some might be inclined to see it as just the first attempt, but I see it as failure. The task at hand is not as easy as I thought. I forgot myself, thinking I'm smarter than most and already possess the "truth" so that I might have an easy ride ahead of me. I am humbled, blindly falling back into my own recognition, knowing that I truly do not know.And yet, I still feel the spark. I still feel the burning desire. I have to get up. I have to do it again. Do I want to? No. Yes. Does it matter? I failed my first task because I overlooked the simplicity of it. I did not look with eyes open. And yet, I am driven. I am not forced, but drawn. If it takes 478 tries, and I still fail - then I will hope for another chance. And another.It is the yearning desire to reach my goal that pulls me. It is inside me to move. I fell the first time I walked. But I press on. I will succeed.
We will all Succeed,no matter how long it takes and what it takes.

On the use of mind altering drugs

I used to think this was an easy topic. Then, I grew up.Now I know I'm not one to speak about this what with my past experiences but the issue is not on whether these drugs should be used but in whether they should be used for enlightenment purposes.
The topic of drugs, specifically Marijuana and Lysergic Acid Diethylamide (a.k.a. LSD or "acid") seems to be creating more controversy, especially over the last few months. While this has even come under recent discussion in some Gnostic forums, I felt the need to explore the subject a little to find out if there's more to it than just acceptance of authorative norms.It's a touchy subject among some, particularly the younger crowd (or the more liberal). However, I think there are more complex issues at hand than just the particular freedom to use any mind altering substance one can aquire. For some, the idea has come into play that using said drugs can actually help with the elevation of the consciousness. This seems like a valid argument, especially since "mind-altering" states can create the illusion of being in a static state of mind.My case is this: it IS an illusion. The problem with these drugs is not that it helps some "attain" enlightenment by "centering" their thoughts, the problem is instead that it creates the illusion of illuminary thought, and the dependence on a physical substance to return to the previously "aquired" state of mind. There is no independence of experience, meaning that it is all dependant on a material substance to achieve the experience.Put it to the point: the drug is of the "world of forms" and creates no real "enlightenment." It's the body's way of compensating for chemical stimulation that is set into motion. For me, this chemical stimulation can actually cause a blockade of the actual experience, and create a resistence to the real, spiritual experience of gnosis through a lesser known Archon - Addiction.This is not to say that certain people in the past have not used such methods to receive many great poetic, visionary, artistic expressions. The Beatles come to mind to prove this idea. But to rely on material substance as the sole form of experience is to lose focus on what's real - spiritual gnosis.Divine Communion can be experienced with a completely lucid state of mind. Dependancy on material substances creates a rift between the spiritual and physical that is almost impossible to overcome. The spiritual truth should be allowed to flow through the sober mind, because the intake and processing of this experience is what matters post-gnosis. To have judgemental impairment on this gnosis is to deny yourself the reality of the experience.You only see what you want to see with the drugs,even if you don't know it at the time.Maybe I'm wrong though.

Instant oatmeal,Instand coffee,Instant Gnosis

Something I'm encountering from those just beginning the spiritual path is a feeling of impatience. I want enlightenment now. They work, intellectualize, compute information, write essays, create understandings, and even believe it's there...but they just lack the experience.In short, it's impatience they struggle with. This is not through any fault of theirs, it's just a result of society. Pressed on by today's standard of fast food, instant coffee, grocery store express lanes, and everything in between, these poor fellows just don't stand a chance while remaining in this mindset.The problem seems to be rationalization. Too much intellectual work, not enough patience with emotional control.In order to proceed, stop pushing, start relaxing, and keep waiting. Impatience is another archon that prevents spiritual maturity. To force something on a rational level is to miss something on the experiential side. The way to the other side of the bridge is through emotional control. Balance yourself, your emotions, and above all else...be patient. Where the will is, the way follows.Peace.